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Man Who Claims South Africa Has A Cool “Edge” Is Thrillingly Stabbed, Robbed

Man Who Claims South Africa Has A Unique Edge Is Thrillingly Stabbed, Robbed

PORT ELIZABETH – Walmer resident Brett Swanepoel was all smiles last night as he excitedly recounted a recent violent stabbing to Australian relatives over Skype. Swanepoel’s exhilirating roller-coaster ride began late on Thursday night when he investigated a noise in his living room and was stabbed 16 times by intruders. “It hurt a lot, and I was worried about my kids, but it really pulled me out of the hum-drum existence that characterises so many people’s lives,” Swanepoel said. “This near-fatal attack just validates everything I’ve been saying to (brother) Dave and Susanne who live in Melbourne, or ‘Mel-boring’ as I like to call it!”

Medics battled for three hours to stabilize Swanepoel, who suffered massive blood loss after the ambulance sent to fetch him broke down on the way to his house. However Swanepoel bears no grudges. “I’m just so glad I don’t live in Switzerland where everything works and it’s just boring and nothing happens!” He was eventually rushed to the intensive care unit at Greenacres hospital in a neighbour’s car and spent a further six hours in emergency surgery. “Geez Davey you should have seen the commotion! All those people shouting and trying to stop the blood coming out of the wounds in my chest. Boet you don’t get that kind of adrenaline rush just anywhere. South Africa’s not for cissies hey!” said Swanepoel, excitedly describing the ordeal that saw doctors use actual adrenaline injections in a desperate attempt to restart his heart after he went into cardiac arrest.

Swanepoel will remain under observation at Greenacres for another week. He told reporters that he was looking forward to sleeping at home again, “Where you never know if a noise is just a cat, or maybe the robbers coming back for more!”

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