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JOHANNESBURG – The good news that South Africans had long been waiting for came through late on Saturday night when Fourways resident Ryan du Toit finally declared apartheid to be over. “Apartheid is over, so let’s all just move on now please,” announced du Toit to an informal gathering at a barbecue at his Lone Hill townhouse.
Apartheid – that for decades allowed blacks only basic substandard Bantu education and denied non-whites any meaningful participation in the economy – was long thought to have handicapped people in a way that would afflict their children too. It was feared that deeply entrenched problems like inferior schooling, broken family units and poverty might result in a cause-and-effect cycle that would still be repeating itself for generations to come. du Toit’s announcement, however, has finally put these spectres to rest and South Africans of all races can now look forward to starting life on a completely equal footing. “All you hear is apartheid this and apartheid that,” said du Toit, who purchased his home with money inherited from his late father, “But it’s over now. In fact it’s been over for, like, 15 years or something.”
du Toit’s landmark statement will come as a welcome salve to millions of malnourished, uneducated and illiterate South Africans who can now simply pull themselves up by their bootstraps and magically make a better life.