Armstrong Denies Throwing Car At Reporters

TEXAS – Disgraced sports star Lance Armstrong was again mired in controversy after he allegedly threw a Ford Focus at reporters yesterday afternoon. Armstrong, who was stripped of his seven Tour de France titles after admitting to years of steroid abuse, allegedly reacted angrily after reporters tailed him on a bike ride near his Austin home. “A couple of guys were shouting questions at him about all the banned substances he’d taken and what-not, and I wanted to ask him some things too, when he just suddenly flipped out and picked up a car and threw it at us,” said Rich Brewster, a journalist with the Austin Chronicle. “It flew right over our heads and went tumbling off into a glade – man it was so close.”

Police confirmed that they had found a crumpled vehicle in a forest 100 yards from the roadside but at the time of writing were treating it as an accident scene. A spokesman for Armstrong, speaking from deep within a reinforced concrete bunker on the cyclist’s ranch, denied the story as a ludicrous fabrication.