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Nervous Motivational Speaker Wouter Basson Imagines Audience Naked, Dead

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CAPE TOWN – As outrage spread around the appearance of Dr. Wouter Basson – apartheid’s notorious “Dr. Death” – at a Kelvin Grove member’s luncheon earlier this week, The Gatsby gained exclusive insights into how the fretful physician had managed to calm his nerves before taking the podium.

Speaking to this publication about his sold-out address entitled “Dr Wouter Basson: A Motivational Talk”, Basson said overcoming his nervousness was simply a case of imagining his audience naked, and as an assembly of mute, faceless corpses. “It’s the first time I’ve done the motivational circuit and I can tell you there were some butterflies!” said Basson, the former head of the National Party’s secret chemical and biological warfare project. “So I just looked out at all the nice people who came to listen to me and I simply imagined them without any clothes. Or skin.” By all accounts Basson’s off-beat approach worked, as Kelvin Grove members reportedly enjoyed his talk.

Basson’s inventiveness, reminiscent of his days overseeing covert apartheid-era projects such as “ethnic weapons”, anti-fertility vaccines, mandrax dosing, chemical agents, pathogens, nerve agents, poisons, mass animal testing and the alleged murder of 200 SWAPO prisoners in 1982, could help alleviate future pre-speech flutters, paving the way for a lucrative sideline in motivational presentations to eager audiences in the future.

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2 Responses to Nervous Motivational Speaker Wouter Basson Imagines Audience Naked, Dead

  1. Adrian Galley Reply

    January 31, 2013 at 1:58 am

    At least the club ensured there were no Jews listening: you don’t want to be giving them ideas now, do you?

  2. Jono Reply

    February 1, 2013 at 9:38 am

    And the 90’s rave scene thanks the friendly old uncle!

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