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PRETORIA – The shooting incident involving Paralympian Oscar Pistorius, who was born without fibulae, has this week completely gripped South Africans, who were seemingly born without self-restraint and higher brain functions. Speculation around the case began after police initially reported that Pistorius had allegedly shot 29-year old Reeva Steenkamp because he thought she was an intruder. But psychologists say that since then – fuelled by stories concocted by desperately competing media outlets as well as a variety of half-formed opinions, hearsay and conspiracy theories – the nation has reverted to a collective state of babbling idiocy, confirming earlier suspicions that it might suffer from a rare form of mass-retardation.
Like Pistorius, South Africans have long managed to succeed despite their affliction, but while these symptoms of impaired cognitive functioning are nothing new, this case is unique in that it also involves a form of delusional clairvoyance. Many subjects reported a feeling that they “just knew” it was murder or that they “just knew” it was self-defence despite the absence of corroborating evidence or a rigorous trail of any kind. Observers say the influence of the internet will likely make the nation’s condition even worse, as more and more South Africans take to social media, blogs and comment threads to share their fatuous ramblings.