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Housewives Throw Poo At Constantia Mall

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Cape Town – Police were called to the exclusive Constantia Village shopping centre in Cape Town yesterday after a group of incensed housewives dumped human waste at the mall’s entrance. The protest action follows management’s controversial decision last week to stock only 2-ply toilet paper in its ladies bathrooms, angering local residents who vowed to make the centre “ungovernable”. Eyewitnesses say two Land Rover Discoveries and a Volvo SUV sped into the parking lot at 3.15pm, whereupon a group of women jumped from the vehicles and hurled Tupperware containers and Ziploc bags filled with excrement at the main entranceway.

Accusations of inadequate sanitation have dogged the centre since 2009, when mall management was accused of fitting bathrooms with sub-standard, overly noisy electric hand driers. Patrons were allegedly unable to have normal conversations while completing their ablutions and many reported experiencing an unacceptable “clammy feeling”, even after holding their hands under the driers for sustained periods of time. A spokesman for the mall said clean up operations were taking longer than expected due to the high-protein, pro-biotic diet favoured by female residents in the area. He added that the security presence at the mall would be beefed up, with added Segway-mounted patrols to discourage further attacks.

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